My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
And then he peed in my hair
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
