Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
