Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
