well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
