just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
