I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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