im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
