Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
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