You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Randomize
