At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
