dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
