I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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