The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
