youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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