she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Randomize
