I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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