It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
