I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
