sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
