I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
high people should be assigned attendants
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
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