I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
