I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
