How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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