In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
