so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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