yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
