I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
