she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
