Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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