I need help removing her.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
