Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
