how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
