Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
