Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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