I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
