now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
