I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Randomize
