You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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