Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Randomize
