After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
