Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
