If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
