im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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