are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
