Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
