I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
