fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
bring money and cleavage
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
