I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
