If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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