I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
